"No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart..." -anonymous
I wanna apologize for not regularly posting here. If some of you guys are following my social media accounts (Instagram and Snapchat), you definitely know how crazy busy I've been.
I'm writing this entry as I'm on my way home from an event where I've met a lot of new people in the industry--bloggers, social media influencers et all. And it makes my heart happy to be with people who dream big dreams as I do. Kids who know what they want at such young age and they are doing something to be a step closer to their dreams. Makes me really proud and happy!
But with the vast number of social media stars nowadays, how can we stand out and be known? How can we reach that level of fame we are all dreaming of? How filtered should our Instagram photos be or how many likes or followers do we need to finally make an impact in this industry? To be honest, I don't know the answer cause just like some of you guys, I still am trying to make a mark in this industry, fighting for my dreams day by day. Do I feel pressured? HELL YEAH! I'm not getting any younger and this industry is obsessed with young, beautiful people doing extraordinary things and I can't help but ask: "Where should I position myself in this already congested world of fashion and blogging? Is there still a place for me and my dreams?"
Then I look at myself and realized how much of a hypocrite I've become just because of my strong desire to follow my dreams. I forgot who I truly am and changed myself while on the process. I always say I hate fake people but one day I woke up disgusted with myself realizing how fake and scripted I've become just cause I wanna stand out. I wanna be loved and adored, I wanna be followed, I wanna be liked. But duh, who doesn't???? We are on a phase wherein millennials feel the need of achieving or proving something just to be validated. I know it's so easy to judge and point out how wrong someone is and talk sh*t about them, but have we already asked ourselves how bad we are as well? For those who are so quick in hating, I am assuming you've never wronged anyone ever, right? Sometimes when you want something so bad, you tend to push yourself harder just to get it and I believe that's what happened to me.
I used to be so conscious of what I do and what persona I should show to people just because I know this industry is full of cookie-cutter goody-two-shoes and people adore the underdogs but that's not who I really am. I am not sweet, I am loud, I am noisy, I talk too much and sometimes, with my desire to make people laugh, I speak words already hurtful to others. Am I proud of that? N to the O, NO! That is why I apologize to all the people I've made fun of and ruined just because I wanna be cool and hip and chill. It's sad cause I always say I hate bullies and monsters but at one point-I became one. And forever will I regret that.
Maybe I was just too focused to be in the zone and at the same time, already feeling the pressure to prove something or do something epic that"s why that stromg desire consumed me. But what made me wake up? I have come to accept that God is always in control. There's a certain time for everything and sometimes, you can"t force things to happen just because he is cooking something better for you. So believe me, I have no more care if I ever get famous or not. What matters now is that I get to work and be paid while pursuing my passion and living my dream. I used to think that if someday I become famous, I will be extremely happy but that thinking changed when I get to know lots of famous people in the industry who are lonely inside. Tho material stuff and a high social status and fancy lifestyle can bring a certain level of bliss, true happiness is when you feel fulfilled and you know you deserve whatever's coming your way just cause you worked hard for it. True happiness is when you have the peace of mind and you know that you didn't ruin someone while on the process of rising up. I have yet to achieve this level of true happiness but believe me, everyday I can smile knowing I didn't just sleep on my dreams and I didn't snatch anything from anyone.
So you ask what's the point of this blog entry? This is just to share with y'all the harsh reality of what happens to people in this industry. Certain things occur, friends come and go, some will even turn their backs on you and betray you and leave you hanging when you're already so broken. And even if we don't like it, change is something we can't escape. But what's important is you have a solid foundation of who you are as a person and you have the right people around you to take you back to reality and remind you of who you truly are when things get so overwhelming.
Whatever I have now, I freaking worked hard for it and believe me, no amount of bashing or insults from haters, doubters and non-believers can stop me. This is my life and my dreams and I'm fuelled by my strong desire to live my passion. So even if you don't like me or you unfollow me, I don't care anymore. I will still continue styling and blogging even if they say I ain't deserving. I'm not here to please the haters. If you stay and support me all the way, you know I am forever grateful. But if you still keep hating on me, IDGAF so you can all go shave your backs now.
So will this be a start of a badass Yannie? Nope! But this is me living who I really am without putting up a persona dictated by my branding managers or PRs who ask me to be a certain kind of blogger or influencer just to work with them. Everything you see now is who I truly am. Loud and crazy and at the end of the day, I am just someone who is learning from everyday's mistakes and trying to teach myself a lesson from all the bad stuff I've committed. Am I a better person now? NO. I'm a work in progress and no way I will be a perfect role model. I break the rules and stand for what I want so if you're in for that kind of adventure, just stay with me and I promise, you're in for a ride!
xoxo,
Yannita*
P.S.
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*huggs!*
